Lots of hot chicks walked by us and our eyes didn’t get much rest and seriously: Ignoring the kind of beauty passing us by would be a serious crime.

My little cousin joined us, he is a witty 18 year old boy who wanted to spend more time with his big cousin.  So we let him join and have a few drinks.  Non alcoholic beverages for him and the alcohol for us.  As we sat there and talked he saw his former teacher.

We looked and saw a hot chick sitting at the table enjoying her drink and talks with her friends or colleagues.

“Hey would you look at that! It is my former teacher.”

“Wow, wouldn’t mind having detention with her!!”

“Me either.”

I couldn’t figure out what she was to them but I do know that she looked hot.  My friend couldn’t his eyes off of her until hotter chicks came by.

My cousin told that he almost scored her during one of the schoolparties. I was laughing my ass off, an 18 year old boy almost scoring his hot teacher. That’s like a wet dream not cumming so ultimately sexually frustrating.

I saw one of my former classmates who now owns the bar next to where we sat.  She surely has turned out to be a beautiful woman.  I told my friend Billy the Kid and my cousin that I knew her. They wouldn’t believe me.

“I really do know her, she was in my class.”

“Yah right….”

“I am serious..!”

“What is her name then big shot? Huh!?”

“Monique.”

So Billy and my cousin asked her if her name was Monique and to their surprise she asked how they knew her name. And they pointed at me and with a big grin because I had won this round I said hello to her. It was a long time ago but she vaguely remembered and I won a free beer.

While we hopped to another bar with more hot chicks my cousin left us.  Billy the Kid and I were on our own once again. Billy’s gun was about to blaze but would the bullets actually reach the target or better yet: targets?  While Billy kept shooting he wasn’t actually accurate in his shootings as he hit nothing.  Just a few talks but no phone# or whatever else.  The girls he talked to weren’t single. Neither one of them. Billy should learn how to aim instead of just randomly shoot.

Hitman

The beers just kept coming and I was drunk as can be.  Hadn’t drank much lately so my alcohol tolerance was way down too, mixed with a big phat joint I smoked before we went out I was beat. And my friend stilled wanted to a nightclub. I stood there in the nightclub fucked up more than usual. The alcohol and pot and all the rest of the beers, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

It wasn’t long before my friend decided to go home but not before we grab something to eat.

A few hot girls in short skirts walked in and one of them went to the bathroom and the other said: I am going to sit with you.  Hey be my guest. We talked for a little while and turns out she is 17 or 18 or something.  And just when the convo got interesting the girl had to go because her friend was done in the bathroom.

And that is when, what is possibly the weirdest experience of my entire life, got started.  There were a few more people in the restaurant , a girl and 3 guys.  They were all friends and the fat kid was complaining about his mother – in – law.  He said he couldn’t stand her and kept on ranting how she was responsible for  breaking up his marriage. Apparently the girl picked her mum over him.  Now that says a lot about him being the one for her but he didn’t get that at all and I was too absent minded to actually explain it to him.

“I so hate my mother in law…I wish she was dead!”

“What the fuck? Yo what’s up with your mother in law?”

He looked over to me and started talking about her.
“That whore is responsible for breaking me up and her daughter…I am just in love man…I am just a guy in love with her daughter.”

“Sorry to hear that man…”

“Yah…I would pay anyone to have her killed. Are you for hire?”

“Hehe…how much are we talking?”

Billy the Kid intervened asking the guy: “Hey do we have to shave our heads and tattoo the back of our heads like Hitman?”

But the guy was serious and continued the conversation with me. I was thinking “What the fuck? Is he serious? Does he think I am serious?”  And yes he did.

“So name your price man…”

“Well how about 1000 Euros?”, I said with a sarcastic tone.

“Really? 1k to take my troubles away?”

“Yah so how would I get there and if I kill her then will you drive me out of there?”

“Dude seriously you can keep the whole car if you do it.”

That’s great I thought but I don’t have a drivers license.

“So how about it? I can get you the cash right now…”

Well I had to disappoint him there. I have no intention of becoming a hitman for anyone or better yet: at all.

The city life keeps surprising me even if I have been away for so long.

The performance was nice however. The crowd went wild while I was enjoying my beer. The usual crowd was there along with some people I had never seen before. My entire family was there as well tonight to give my uncle moral support. So while I did my usual routine of teasing the inlaws and cousins I was enjoying my beers when I spotted this insanely hot chick who was looking at me. I wish I knew who she was. I shoulda gone over there and talk to her but seeing as she was with her dad and hitting on a girl in front of her dad is actually lame I decided against it.  Maybe next time, if there is a next time.  But I am telling you: She ’s the exception on the exceptionally beautiful women I have seen in the past.

As the gig went on and the beers were served and the little green man that always appears on my left shoulder was twittering. I looked at him and asked him what was up but before he could reply I was a goner.

So the night went on and I was having fun with my cousins and aunts and uncles.  My friends were there as well including Billy the Kid and his cousin Tonto.  Now Tonto doesn’t go out a lot, actually Tonto never goes out.  We don’t know why but hey he is cool so this was actually the first time he came with us.  It was fun and for a while we all had fun until Tonto met a drunk old lady.   The drunk old lady was an alcoholic for a profession and we all saw it. Apparently her companion left earlier after he couldn’t get laid. He wanted to take her home and offered her a place to stay  in exchange for pussy. She refused, she loves the bottle more than a piece of meat between her legs.   Tonto is the noble kind, we didn’t know that.  The noble guy who brings you home without asking for anything in return. We didn’t know that either.  So we see him walk away and I turn to Billy the Kid and tell him:

“Hey man…I think Tonto is the only one getting laid tonight…”

“What? With that old drunk? I hope not…”  You can hear a slight panic in his voice.  He feels responsible for his cousin but also realizes that he can’t do much because Tonto is an adult.

“So what?”

“What?? Dude what if he gets her pregnant?”

“That’d be a hole-in – one” I wanted to say but  I just couldn’t with the panic in his voice.

It’s been 45 mins now and Tonto hasn’t returned yet.  We were all speculating about his whereabouts. Was he getting laid? Would he be one of those guys who’d fuck anything that moves?  And then on the city horizon we see a guy with long hair and a jeans jacket appear.  But not with a big smile or the “Look I just got laid” look in his eyes.  And that’s when I noticed his nobility and self control. Amazing that such things still exist in a grim world where cynicism and contempt reign.

The gig was over and there was not much left except for the restaurant. The Turkish restaurant again from the Restaurant Dickery saga.  This time I decided to be as nice as possible and I was.

A girl and a guy were sitting at the table eating their schwarmas.  She worked all day she told and went out in Arnhem right after work.  She was kinda uptight, especially at the end when the restaurant wanted to close.  “We have to go now…these people want  sleep” with a whiney voice.   “I know how it works because I have a job and you’ll long for home”, she continued with her whiney voice.   I got that part but hey do you have to actually say such a thing that’s so god damn obvious to the working part of the world?

She was with another guy too. Billy couldn’t control himself and tried hitting on her but not before asking if he was the boyfriend.

“Hey!! Are you a couple?”

“Us? No, she is my sister…”

“Oh that changes things…what’s her name?”

And the girl just wouldn’t meddle in the conversation but she  called herself Linda.  Which was fine…I never fucked a Linda but then again she never fucked a Gonzo either.

Billy tried hard to get it on with her and the brother kept asking for more things. A better standard than Billy could ever provide. No offense to Billy at all but the stuff he asked for he just wouldn’t be able to live up to it.  The girl however was a little offended by the matchfixing her brother tried.

Beer here

“Hey I don’t have any say in this?”

“No you don’t…Anyway Billy, she is my sister and I want only the best for her. So the guy’s gotta have some cash and a little status here.”

I wanted to tell her that I was a journalist / publisher for some New York company but then again Billy would be all over me and hate my guts for life.   And while her thong was showing we just kept asking questions about her.  And I think she was interested given the look she gave me but the restuarant was about to close so there wasn’t much time.

Her brother kept asking us for pot and we didn’t have any…right in front of the right hand of the restaurant owner. He was giving us the look as in: Dudes fuck off…it’s always something with the restaurant anyway.  If we are on the verge of being kicked out it’s stuff like this that happens there.

While we walked home we met my neighbor. He is a bouncer for a local bar. A bar I think who’s customers consists mostly of closet gays who all use soccer as a masquerade to hide their sexuality.   I am not saying he is though.

Anyway as we passed by he was making remarks and I walked up and talked to him ’til one guy steps out of the bar to go home.  He was wearing open toe sandals.

“Hey man…look at that. How can you wear that going out? Look at your big toe sticking out…it’s bigger than my cock!”

“Hey I didn’t know you had such a small one! Bwahaha!”

He had no comeback and we decided to go home.  I gotta say , it wasn’t exactly a dull night but it wasn’t the most fun one either except for the fact that Tonto came with us.

“So no chains either?”

Fight like a man

“No man, no nothing. Just fists and nothing else…”

“So what about guns?”

“You see, when you are in a fist fight, u try to knock the guy out with your bare hands. That proves that you are a man!”

“Hm ok sure but if I can get an advantage over the other guy by using a knife then why the fuck not?”

“That’s just low man…”

“Anyone for any weapons?”, I asked around.

Nobody dared to say yes.

I said to the guy that we should have a poll. Just ask random people what they think of it. He started to laugh and nodded. “Though I gotta say that my blatter is pretty full now.”

“Hm so if we were fighting right now then I should hit you somewhere around the blatter part. You’d piss your pants and by the time you ‘re done I’ll be long gone…”

He started to laugh and said that I was right.

There was a middle aged woman standing next to me during this whole conversation. Her husband was talking to the cops about whatever.  She mingled in the conversation and while the guy next to me was pumping his fist in the air I said to the woman:

“So the guy here next to me has something to ask you. It’s for a poll.”

“Oh really?”

“So go ahead, what did you want to ask the woman?’

“Uhhh…”, he was baffled over the fact that I would seriously just ask random people and before he had chance to un-Uhhh himself  I asked the woman the question.

“Well basically he wants to know if he can fistfuck you…”

“What??”, the guy replied. “No!! You faggot! That’s not what I wanted to ask at all!!”

“Oh well it’s not going down that hole. Not at all, not even ever..”

I looked at the guy and went: “Well you said fists only…she doesn’t want it. Want me to ask some more people?”

As I left the guy really didn’t want me to ask more people. I didn’t care, I went ahead and did it anyway.

Is she really going out with him?

You see some ugly schmucks sometimes walking down the street with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and while you stare at them you just can’t help but wonder what you do wrong. Perfect sizes on all body parts.

Sometimes you just wanna smack the ugly guy around 30 or 40 times with a fucking sledgehammer.

What I like in particular is the look some of these guys give you. As in “STOP STARING AT MY GIRLFRIEND” . Ofcourse I don’t stare and besides have you seen the way she looks at me.  And I can’t help it either if she looks at me that way. It’s the guy’s fault.If she looks at somebody else, with the guy on her arm, then is it my fault? All I did was smile.Geesh, talk about hypersenstive and insecure.

One of the funniest things I have ever seen was when I went out to restaurant. There was a girl, completely smashed and her boyfriend was trying to help her. But as he was trying he also tried to sex her up. The guy was pretty young. I think he was about 17 or maybe 18. And all the things he did, the girl was just repelled by the fact that he tried to court her. He tried to hold her in an intimate way. She pushed him away.

“You are doing it all wrong,” I said. “Can’t you read the body language of the girl? She doesn’t want to be held. She wants to sit and come to her senses.”

“Oh is that it, sir?”, he replied.

“Yes it is”, I said with a sense of deep amusement pouring through me. “Try not to hold her but let her do as she pleases and then follow her lead. By the way you really are overdoing it.”

“Ok..”

The girl almost fell down the floor, almost puked, ran to the toilet to spill some of that infamous proteine.

“If she’s really that drunk, you might as well go home and jack off. By the looks of it, you are not getting any at all tonight.”

Another thing that happened was when I was on vacations in Swiss. My hotel was close to the local Mcdonalds. My friend was at his house to get some rest after a busy day. It really was a busy day. We went to the Swiss Street Parade. 1 million people attended. It was amazing.

But I am off topic here.

My friend stayed home so I went out  on a recon mission and see what kind of people the Swiss really are. So what better place to start then the local McDonalds.

With an open mind and a curious curiousity I entered the restaurant. I spotted a girl who was there with her boyfriend. They were on a date (what guy takes a girl to McDonalds on a date anyway? Sounds cheap huh?). And I started to flirt with this girl and the girl took the bait. I was having fun.  She was having fun. But her boyfriend wasn’t having any fun at all.

“Hey you are here with me!!”,  he angrily said.

The girl replied:

“So what?”

I joined the convo taking the side of the girl.

“Yah, you got a problem or something, man?”

Ofcourse he didn’t have a problem with me, he said anyway. But if looks could kill there’s a man there who’s marked down as dead. Cause I’ve had my fill. Listen you, take your hands off her head I get so mean around this scene.

A man from Sudan, dubbed by the media as the “Subway Jackoff”, was convicted to paying €451.

What happened was that the guy got horny and started to jackoff in the subway. He held a 13 year old boy close to him while he did that. He shot his cum all over the pants, backpack and shoes. Yuck!

Using the video of the surveillance camera the man was caught by the police. He denied allegations at first but admitted to his crime later. Apparently a few girls came standing too close to him and he got horny.  The man was arrested and the police found a concealed weapon as well.

It makes you wonder what kind of social life this man has. Jacking off in subways? Spoiling his spunk all over a 13 year old kid?  But that’s Belgium for you, I guess.

The Subway Jackoff

She told me she had trouble running. Was afraid that the boobs might slap her face. I told her they’d make good in any strip bar.  Hilarity ensued.

I asked her if she wanted to have my professional opinion on her breasts. In order to get a free pro consult, all she had to do was unbutton on her shirt. From a man’s POV, she was very boobilicious.

Anyone called for inspection?

“But that wouldn’t be good enough”, she replied. “It wouldnt be an accurate one if it doesnt include the very important part of the rating called feeling.”

“Well I use all my 5 senses to make a good rating, eyes is the first of them “, I insisted.

“Yeah but it’s part of the job. U have to feel them at least. Lick them. Smell them.”

“Hmm, see but looking at them comes first.The licking and smelling comes afterwards.”

“I thought feeling them comes second?”

“As long as seeing them comes first, I dont care about the rest of the order but that’s just my professional opinion.”

“Then we should try a different approach blindfold you and make you rate them by using the other senses.”

I was open to that idea. I mean why the fuck not.

“You feel like evaluating them tonight ?”

“My hands are free so why not…”

“I dont only need  your hands. That wouldnt be  accurate enough. I need your entire focus.”

“Ofcourse , I am sure the rest of my body is available too.”

“It would be funny to blindfold you. I bet U’d hate losing control…”

We talked threesomes too. Maybe next time, her friend would be interested she said….

It said the following:

GawkerDotCom: Should Colleges Ask Applicants If They’re Gay? [Getting Schooled] http://bit.ly/9MeH6J

Again I’d like to emphasize that I am not gay. But I did read the article. Big deal you think, huh? Well so do I!

Hop hop like a bunny

According to the article colleges and universities are debating to ask the question of whether or not you are a homosexual on the application form. You got a question whether or not you are religious or not or what ethnicity you are.

The article goes on saying that if you put on there “Yes, I am a big homo” that it could be a reason for rejection.

What the hell is going on here? Isn’t America the land of the free? Sure, except for homo’s and well they have made some progress on the indians and the afro americans. But geezus. Can’t a gay person have a shot at college? What if there is a guy among them who is an utmost genius.  Can you actually deny a person who can contribute to society substantially just because of the fact that the person is gay? Society would be missing out. And it’s the school’s loss for not being able to show off educating such a talent.

I don’t see the big point of this anyway. It’s wayy too personal, same with the religion question, and it’s nobody’s business. Ofcourse ethnicity, depending on where you are from, it’s going to show.

Why do I write this article? Those who know me from up close and personal, they know that one of my best friends is gay. She’s a doctor in a hospital and has an IQ of 182.  She has won scholarships abroad and passed her exams with flying colors by topping the table and leaving competition far far behind her.

That’s the kind of people a college would refuse? They are outta there minds!

I am bored out of my fucking mind. I had 3 meetings in the last two days and all of them are productive. I managed to get an assignment in for webdesign. Which is not bad at all.  The meetings went well yesterday and today too.I am supposed to rest but I can’t. I am tired but I don’t want to give in. So I started reading a blog from a girl I started to follow on Twitter.

She is a good writer.  Very funny one too.

She wrote about  marriage. In fact the piece is called: “Marriage – from a man’s POV”.

If this is the stuff guys will go through then I’ll pass for marriage. No more blowjobs ? What the fuck…relationships fall or stand with blowjobs. But then again: No more blowjobs, no more eating pussy either. Quid pro quo there man!

Anyway her list goes on and on. After a while reading the entry Iam starting to think I am never going to get married. There is too many things I have to give up.

You can read her blog entry here: http://whereisthethirdwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2010/02/marriage-from-mans-pov.html

Enjoy the read.

Tiger Woods and marriage…

On my way over to the meetings I was rereading the Tiger Woods apology. Can you believe he cheated with so many? And manage to keep that a secret from the papparazi. In this day of age it just seems impossible to do. The papparazi are are everywhere. They hide in trees, rent appartments accross the streets of stars, car chases and whatever else to get that photo. But not one of them caught Tiger Woods in the act.   Whatever security system Tiger is using, I am sure lots of other celebrities and VIPs that inhabit this little planet must want it too.

So on Facebook I was having this convo with a bunch of people who didn’t know what to make of Tiger’s confessions.  One of them doesn’t believe it. He slept with too many people. Can you ever sleep with too many people? Can you ever too much sex with too many people? You can’t ever have too much sex.  Someone even accused him for the sex with the ten women. Is that even possible? Can you blame people for being intimate? Can you blame people for having sex? If we can then at least half the population on this world shouldn’t exist. Bastards, for example ,would be doomed.

I and I and marriage …

I was once dumb enough to fall in love head over heels and actually picturing myself getting married to a girl. Don’t ask me why that was.  Things went a little awry when she told me that she fell in love with a woman and would rather spend more time with the woman instead of me.  No that wasn’t fine. It sucked ass. Well she is sucking ass. But it’s not my ass. Anyway will I ever get married? How would I know. I have no intentions of doing so on the short term.

We met when I was recruiting writers for my website. We got on the phone to discuss business and he was quite nice. I am not into guys, I mean love the pussy. But we became good friends.

The Corrs

About a year ago he found someone to share his life with. I have never seen him happier. And yes, the world looks more colorful and the food tastes better. I was happy for him. He finally found someone.

A few weeks ago however he broke up. Infidelity was cited as a reason for the break up. Apparently his boyfriend couldn’t keep his hands off other guys. I am sorry to hear that, I had hoped for the best for the two of them. Well mainly for my friend ofcourse because I don’t know the other guy. I don’t really want to either. Just want to see my friend happy.

Today we engaged in conversation. It was a good one too.

I told him about my friend Dante. He and I have this running gag about The Corrs.  It’s usually like this:

“Hey man, would u fuck Jim Corr up the ass if you get to sleep with his three sisters (Andrea Corr, Sharon Corr, Caroline Corr) afterwards?  You’d have bang at least 3 times otherwise it doesn’t count.”

“Yuck, no way..”,  with a disgusted tone in Dante’s voice.

“Why not?  You get to sleep with THREE WOMEN at the same time man!! Orgies don’t come better than that.”

“Eww man, I wouldn’t fuck a guy up the ass.”

“Where is your pragma? Aren’t you the pragmatic one? 1 guy…after that THREE WOMEN!”

I told my gay friend about the conversation and he started to laugh.

But I asked him this:

“Would you sleep with three women just to get get to Jim Corr?”

“Haha!!”

“No seriously, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t. I can still get dick without having to go through women!”

Funny huh, how you can turn things around like that.

Some people are just funny. Unintentionally perhaps but who cares?

Want your Head Shot, Model Photos, ect Professionally Airbrushed? You will be Skinnier, No Zits, Cellulite, or Double Chin! ONLY $12/photo!

I replied to that one asking if the people will still recognize me if I ever get to meet them in real life. The person however chose not to reply. I don’t know why either.

One guy, who seems really really cool by the way, Twittered that he doesn’t like Kentucky Fried Chicken? Hey, who does? It’s crap food.  I replied to that one with this:

I only go to KFC when I need to use the bathroom or when I am in Indonesia. Otherwise I skip it.

And it’s true! How many people would skip KFC for a half decent meal? I bet lots of you out there would!

Here is another Twitter convo:

@BlogCritics Blackwater billed govt for prostitute http://bit.ly/bbbMjz But they didn’t shoot her! 6:46pm, Feb 11 from Web

gonzofear: @Blogcritics now shooting her would be a waste for those who still want to pay up for her 7:02pm, Feb 11 from HootSuite

Blogcritics: @gonzofear good point! But it IS Blackwater

Now I know fuck all about Blackwater but apparently they shot Iraqian civilians. Ofcourse that’s bad. But the worst part is that I visited that link. They had a prostitute on payroll and called it: “Morale welfare recreation”.   That’s got to be to fanciest name for a hooker I have ever read. And how would that go in the office anyway? Can you imagine having the following conversation in the office with your superior?

“Hi Bob, I see you are under a lot of stress. Is everything ok?”
“Well boss, I am feeling stressed out over this project. And my wife at home wants to divorce me and our prenup says that she gets the house and kids and the car too!”
“Bob, I think you are up for some morale recreational welfare. I see our specialist has some time between 3.15 and 3.20.  I’ll call her now to set up an appointment.”

Do you want to run the risk to get one of my replies to your Twitter then feel free to follow me @gonzofear!