“So no chains either?”

Fight like a man

“No man, no nothing. Just fists and nothing else…”

“So what about guns?”

“You see, when you are in a fist fight, u try to knock the guy out with your bare hands. That proves that you are a man!”

“Hm ok sure but if I can get an advantage over the other guy by using a knife then why the fuck not?”

“That’s just low man…”

“Anyone for any weapons?”, I asked around.

Nobody dared to say yes.

I said to the guy that we should have a poll. Just ask random people what they think of it. He started to laugh and nodded. “Though I gotta say that my blatter is pretty full now.”

“Hm so if we were fighting right now then I should hit you somewhere around the blatter part. You’d piss your pants and by the time you ‘re done I’ll be long gone…”

He started to laugh and said that I was right.

There was a middle aged woman standing next to me during this whole conversation. Her husband was talking to the cops about whatever.  She mingled in the conversation and while the guy next to me was pumping his fist in the air I said to the woman:

“So the guy here next to me has something to ask you. It’s for a poll.”

“Oh really?”

“So go ahead, what did you want to ask the woman?’

“Uhhh…”, he was baffled over the fact that I would seriously just ask random people and before he had chance to un-Uhhh himself  I asked the woman the question.

“Well basically he wants to know if he can fistfuck you…”

“What??”, the guy replied. “No!! You faggot! That’s not what I wanted to ask at all!!”

“Oh well it’s not going down that hole. Not at all, not even ever..”

I looked at the guy and went: “Well you said fists only…she doesn’t want it. Want me to ask some more people?”

As I left the guy really didn’t want me to ask more people. I didn’t care, I went ahead and did it anyway.

Is she really going out with him?

You see some ugly schmucks sometimes walking down the street with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and while you stare at them you just can’t help but wonder what you do wrong. Perfect sizes on all body parts.

Sometimes you just wanna smack the ugly guy around 30 or 40 times with a fucking sledgehammer.

What I like in particular is the look some of these guys give you. As in “STOP STARING AT MY GIRLFRIEND” . Ofcourse I don’t stare and besides have you seen the way she looks at me.  And I can’t help it either if she looks at me that way. It’s the guy’s fault.If she looks at somebody else, with the guy on her arm, then is it my fault? All I did was smile.Geesh, talk about hypersenstive and insecure.

One of the funniest things I have ever seen was when I went out to restaurant. There was a girl, completely smashed and her boyfriend was trying to help her. But as he was trying he also tried to sex her up. The guy was pretty young. I think he was about 17 or maybe 18. And all the things he did, the girl was just repelled by the fact that he tried to court her. He tried to hold her in an intimate way. She pushed him away.

“You are doing it all wrong,” I said. “Can’t you read the body language of the girl? She doesn’t want to be held. She wants to sit and come to her senses.”

“Oh is that it, sir?”, he replied.

“Yes it is”, I said with a sense of deep amusement pouring through me. “Try not to hold her but let her do as she pleases and then follow her lead. By the way you really are overdoing it.”

“Ok..”

The girl almost fell down the floor, almost puked, ran to the toilet to spill some of that infamous proteine.

“If she’s really that drunk, you might as well go home and jack off. By the looks of it, you are not getting any at all tonight.”

Another thing that happened was when I was on vacations in Swiss. My hotel was close to the local Mcdonalds. My friend was at his house to get some rest after a busy day. It really was a busy day. We went to the Swiss Street Parade. 1 million people attended. It was amazing.

But I am off topic here.

My friend stayed home so I went out  on a recon mission and see what kind of people the Swiss really are. So what better place to start then the local McDonalds.

With an open mind and a curious curiousity I entered the restaurant. I spotted a girl who was there with her boyfriend. They were on a date (what guy takes a girl to McDonalds on a date anyway? Sounds cheap huh?). And I started to flirt with this girl and the girl took the bait. I was having fun.  She was having fun. But her boyfriend wasn’t having any fun at all.

“Hey you are here with me!!”,  he angrily said.

The girl replied:

“So what?”

I joined the convo taking the side of the girl.

“Yah, you got a problem or something, man?”

Ofcourse he didn’t have a problem with me, he said anyway. But if looks could kill there’s a man there who’s marked down as dead. Cause I’ve had my fill. Listen you, take your hands off her head I get so mean around this scene.

A man from Sudan, dubbed by the media as the “Subway Jackoff”, was convicted to paying €451.

What happened was that the guy got horny and started to jackoff in the subway. He held a 13 year old boy close to him while he did that. He shot his cum all over the pants, backpack and shoes. Yuck!

Using the video of the surveillance camera the man was caught by the police. He denied allegations at first but admitted to his crime later. Apparently a few girls came standing too close to him and he got horny.  The man was arrested and the police found a concealed weapon as well.

It makes you wonder what kind of social life this man has. Jacking off in subways? Spoiling his spunk all over a 13 year old kid?  But that’s Belgium for you, I guess.

The Subway Jackoff

She told me she had trouble running. Was afraid that the boobs might slap her face. I told her they’d make good in any strip bar.  Hilarity ensued.

I asked her if she wanted to have my professional opinion on her breasts. In order to get a free pro consult, all she had to do was unbutton on her shirt. From a man’s POV, she was very boobilicious.

Anyone called for inspection?

“But that wouldn’t be good enough”, she replied. “It wouldnt be an accurate one if it doesnt include the very important part of the rating called feeling.”

“Well I use all my 5 senses to make a good rating, eyes is the first of them “, I insisted.

“Yeah but it’s part of the job. U have to feel them at least. Lick them. Smell them.”

“Hmm, see but looking at them comes first.The licking and smelling comes afterwards.”

“I thought feeling them comes second?”

“As long as seeing them comes first, I dont care about the rest of the order but that’s just my professional opinion.”

“Then we should try a different approach blindfold you and make you rate them by using the other senses.”

I was open to that idea. I mean why the fuck not.

“You feel like evaluating them tonight ?”

“My hands are free so why not…”

“I dont only need  your hands. That wouldnt be  accurate enough. I need your entire focus.”

“Ofcourse , I am sure the rest of my body is available too.”

“It would be funny to blindfold you. I bet U’d hate losing control…”

We talked threesomes too. Maybe next time, her friend would be interested she said….

It said the following:

GawkerDotCom: Should Colleges Ask Applicants If They’re Gay? [Getting Schooled] http://bit.ly/9MeH6J

Again I’d like to emphasize that I am not gay. But I did read the article. Big deal you think, huh? Well so do I!

Hop hop like a bunny

According to the article colleges and universities are debating to ask the question of whether or not you are a homosexual on the application form. You got a question whether or not you are religious or not or what ethnicity you are.

The article goes on saying that if you put on there “Yes, I am a big homo” that it could be a reason for rejection.

What the hell is going on here? Isn’t America the land of the free? Sure, except for homo’s and well they have made some progress on the indians and the afro americans. But geezus. Can’t a gay person have a shot at college? What if there is a guy among them who is an utmost genius.  Can you actually deny a person who can contribute to society substantially just because of the fact that the person is gay? Society would be missing out. And it’s the school’s loss for not being able to show off educating such a talent.

I don’t see the big point of this anyway. It’s wayy too personal, same with the religion question, and it’s nobody’s business. Ofcourse ethnicity, depending on where you are from, it’s going to show.

Why do I write this article? Those who know me from up close and personal, they know that one of my best friends is gay. She’s a doctor in a hospital and has an IQ of 182.  She has won scholarships abroad and passed her exams with flying colors by topping the table and leaving competition far far behind her.

That’s the kind of people a college would refuse? They are outta there minds!

I am bored out of my fucking mind. I had 3 meetings in the last two days and all of them are productive. I managed to get an assignment in for webdesign. Which is not bad at all.  The meetings went well yesterday and today too.I am supposed to rest but I can’t. I am tired but I don’t want to give in. So I started reading a blog from a girl I started to follow on Twitter.

She is a good writer.  Very funny one too.

She wrote about  marriage. In fact the piece is called: “Marriage – from a man’s POV”.

If this is the stuff guys will go through then I’ll pass for marriage. No more blowjobs ? What the fuck…relationships fall or stand with blowjobs. But then again: No more blowjobs, no more eating pussy either. Quid pro quo there man!

Anyway her list goes on and on. After a while reading the entry Iam starting to think I am never going to get married. There is too many things I have to give up.

You can read her blog entry here: http://whereisthethirdwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2010/02/marriage-from-mans-pov.html

Enjoy the read.

Tiger Woods and marriage…

On my way over to the meetings I was rereading the Tiger Woods apology. Can you believe he cheated with so many? And manage to keep that a secret from the papparazi. In this day of age it just seems impossible to do. The papparazi are are everywhere. They hide in trees, rent appartments accross the streets of stars, car chases and whatever else to get that photo. But not one of them caught Tiger Woods in the act.   Whatever security system Tiger is using, I am sure lots of other celebrities and VIPs that inhabit this little planet must want it too.

So on Facebook I was having this convo with a bunch of people who didn’t know what to make of Tiger’s confessions.  One of them doesn’t believe it. He slept with too many people. Can you ever sleep with too many people? Can you ever too much sex with too many people? You can’t ever have too much sex.  Someone even accused him for the sex with the ten women. Is that even possible? Can you blame people for being intimate? Can you blame people for having sex? If we can then at least half the population on this world shouldn’t exist. Bastards, for example ,would be doomed.

I and I and marriage …

I was once dumb enough to fall in love head over heels and actually picturing myself getting married to a girl. Don’t ask me why that was.  Things went a little awry when she told me that she fell in love with a woman and would rather spend more time with the woman instead of me.  No that wasn’t fine. It sucked ass. Well she is sucking ass. But it’s not my ass. Anyway will I ever get married? How would I know. I have no intentions of doing so on the short term.

We met when I was recruiting writers for my website. We got on the phone to discuss business and he was quite nice. I am not into guys, I mean love the pussy. But we became good friends.

The Corrs

About a year ago he found someone to share his life with. I have never seen him happier. And yes, the world looks more colorful and the food tastes better. I was happy for him. He finally found someone.

A few weeks ago however he broke up. Infidelity was cited as a reason for the break up. Apparently his boyfriend couldn’t keep his hands off other guys. I am sorry to hear that, I had hoped for the best for the two of them. Well mainly for my friend ofcourse because I don’t know the other guy. I don’t really want to either. Just want to see my friend happy.

Today we engaged in conversation. It was a good one too.

I told him about my friend Dante. He and I have this running gag about The Corrs.  It’s usually like this:

“Hey man, would u fuck Jim Corr up the ass if you get to sleep with his three sisters (Andrea Corr, Sharon Corr, Caroline Corr) afterwards?  You’d have bang at least 3 times otherwise it doesn’t count.”

“Yuck, no way..”,  with a disgusted tone in Dante’s voice.

“Why not?  You get to sleep with THREE WOMEN at the same time man!! Orgies don’t come better than that.”

“Eww man, I wouldn’t fuck a guy up the ass.”

“Where is your pragma? Aren’t you the pragmatic one? 1 guy…after that THREE WOMEN!”

I told my gay friend about the conversation and he started to laugh.

But I asked him this:

“Would you sleep with three women just to get get to Jim Corr?”

“Haha!!”

“No seriously, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t. I can still get dick without having to go through women!”

Funny huh, how you can turn things around like that.

Some people are just funny. Unintentionally perhaps but who cares?

Want your Head Shot, Model Photos, ect Professionally Airbrushed? You will be Skinnier, No Zits, Cellulite, or Double Chin! ONLY $12/photo!

I replied to that one asking if the people will still recognize me if I ever get to meet them in real life. The person however chose not to reply. I don’t know why either.

One guy, who seems really really cool by the way, Twittered that he doesn’t like Kentucky Fried Chicken? Hey, who does? It’s crap food.  I replied to that one with this:

I only go to KFC when I need to use the bathroom or when I am in Indonesia. Otherwise I skip it.

And it’s true! How many people would skip KFC for a half decent meal? I bet lots of you out there would!

Here is another Twitter convo:

@BlogCritics Blackwater billed govt for prostitute http://bit.ly/bbbMjz But they didn’t shoot her! 6:46pm, Feb 11 from Web

gonzofear: @Blogcritics now shooting her would be a waste for those who still want to pay up for her 7:02pm, Feb 11 from HootSuite

Blogcritics: @gonzofear good point! But it IS Blackwater

Now I know fuck all about Blackwater but apparently they shot Iraqian civilians. Ofcourse that’s bad. But the worst part is that I visited that link. They had a prostitute on payroll and called it: “Morale welfare recreation”.   That’s got to be to fanciest name for a hooker I have ever read. And how would that go in the office anyway? Can you imagine having the following conversation in the office with your superior?

“Hi Bob, I see you are under a lot of stress. Is everything ok?”
“Well boss, I am feeling stressed out over this project. And my wife at home wants to divorce me and our prenup says that she gets the house and kids and the car too!”
“Bob, I think you are up for some morale recreational welfare. I see our specialist has some time between 3.15 and 3.20.  I’ll call her now to set up an appointment.”

Do you want to run the risk to get one of my replies to your Twitter then feel free to follow me @gonzofear!

The column, which you can now see as historical documents, Stan discussed racism, bigotry and ofcourse Marvel’s greatness. And Marvel are great. They are still the best when it comes to comic book writing. Sure DC has Batman and Superman, iconic characters but Marvel is what I grew up with and I still read to this day. My collection of approximately 50.000 comics are 80%  Marvel.

African cave paintings

Anyway as I was typing, I was reading Stan’s Soapbox  and he said something really really profound.  He wrote “Human nature doesn’t change, it’s technology that changes”.

And he is right.

Technology changes but human nature stays the same.  Are you afraid of dying? So were the cavemen.  You ever betrayed someone? So did Judas and he did it wayy before you were born. I am sure he wasn’t the only one who fucked anyone over either. I know there are many who preceeded him. Men, women and children.  Ofcourse these are the bad examples.

You got praise from your boss? So did Joseph when he finished his carpenting for clients. Are you happy with your new painting? So was the caveman who received a wall painting from his fellow neanderthalers. Bringing home the painting ofcourse became a problem and last I checked the paintings were still there but the original owner had passed away.

But with the technological progress, the way people communicated changed. Paintings became portable and praise can now be received by email. Fear of death still exists but with researches giving us insight about where we go after this I am quite hopeful that some day we will actually lose that fear too.

Should we now praise Steve Jobs for giving us the iPhone? Yes ofcourse! Without him we couldn’t have pulled off the bank heist using our iPhones or screw over my wife by calling her and tell her that “I am working late”!

Ofcourse with this new insight a relationship , in some cases, will be build up.  Though a little bit awkward things just seem to get along just fine.

But there is always that nasty feeling. Things you feel again when you look back on things. That nasty feeling after bad things were said about you. The bad stuff they imply. Stuff you don’t actually tolerate. It just makes you angry all over again.

So at a certain point in this relationship building thing, when those feelings are still in play, and you are still pissed off and they come to ask for sexual advice the only thing you can say is:

“Well I always get a kick out of candle wax and ball gaggers…”

“Oh really?  What’s horny about candle wax?”

“Well, try it in the heat of the moment. You’ll see. You are gonna love it….”

And that’s how you deal with grudges…