The Beer Diaries: The Kinky Part Of Town

Tonight was another fun time out in town. My uncle was supposed to perform, not on his girlfriend, but on stage. He is the guitarplayer in some band of his. I always go to see him perform for moral support and to see if he finally got groupies. Except for the singers in his band (two hot sisters) he doesn’t have any groupies. Well he doesn’t have any groupies now, just a guy who hangs around him looking to get laid with the groupies when he finally has some.

The performance was nice however. The crowd went wild while I was enjoying my beer. The usual crowd was there along with some people I had never seen before. My entire family was there as well tonight to give my uncle moral support. So while I did my usual routine of teasing the inlaws and cousins I was enjoying my beers when I spotted this insanely hot chick who was looking at me. I wish I knew who she was. I shoulda gone over there and talk to her but seeing as she was with her dad and hitting on a girl in front of her dad is actually lame I decided against it.  Maybe next time, if there is a next time.  But I am telling you: She ’s the exception on the exceptionally beautiful women I have seen in the past.

As the gig went on and the beers were served and the little green man that always appears on my left shoulder was twittering. I looked at him and asked him what was up but before he could reply I was a goner.

So the night went on and I was having fun with my cousins and aunts and uncles.  My friends were there as well including Billy the Kid and his cousin Tonto.  Now Tonto doesn’t go out a lot, actually Tonto never goes out.  We don’t know why but hey he is cool so this was actually the first time he came with us.  It was fun and for a while we all had fun until Tonto met a drunk old lady.   The drunk old lady was an alcoholic for a profession and we all saw it. Apparently her companion left earlier after he couldn’t get laid. He wanted to take her home and offered her a place to stay  in exchange for pussy. She refused, she loves the bottle more than a piece of meat between her legs.   Tonto is the noble kind, we didn’t know that.  The noble guy who brings you home without asking for anything in return. We didn’t know that either.  So we see him walk away and I turn to Billy the Kid and tell him:

“Hey man…I think Tonto is the only one getting laid tonight…”

“What? With that old drunk? I hope not…”  You can hear a slight panic in his voice.  He feels responsible for his cousin but also realizes that he can’t do much because Tonto is an adult.

“So what?”

“What?? Dude what if he gets her pregnant?”

“That’d be a hole-in – one” I wanted to say but  I just couldn’t with the panic in his voice.

It’s been 45 mins now and Tonto hasn’t returned yet.  We were all speculating about his whereabouts. Was he getting laid? Would he be one of those guys who’d fuck anything that moves?  And then on the city horizon we see a guy with long hair and a jeans jacket appear.  But not with a big smile or the “Look I just got laid” look in his eyes.  And that’s when I noticed his nobility and self control. Amazing that such things still exist in a grim world where cynicism and contempt reign.

The gig was over and there was not much left except for the restaurant. The Turkish restaurant again from the Restaurant Dickery saga.  This time I decided to be as nice as possible and I was.

A girl and a guy were sitting at the table eating their schwarmas.  She worked all day she told and went out in Arnhem right after work.  She was kinda uptight, especially at the end when the restaurant wanted to close.  “We have to go now…these people want  sleep” with a whiney voice.   “I know how it works because I have a job and you’ll long for home”, she continued with her whiney voice.   I got that part but hey do you have to actually say such a thing that’s so god damn obvious to the working part of the world?

She was with another guy too. Billy couldn’t control himself and tried hitting on her but not before asking if he was the boyfriend.

“Hey!! Are you a couple?”

“Us? No, she is my sister…”

“Oh that changes things…what’s her name?”

And the girl just wouldn’t meddle in the conversation but she  called herself Linda.  Which was fine…I never fucked a Linda but then again she never fucked a Gonzo either.

Billy tried hard to get it on with her and the brother kept asking for more things. A better standard than Billy could ever provide. No offense to Billy at all but the stuff he asked for he just wouldn’t be able to live up to it.  The girl however was a little offended by the matchfixing her brother tried.

“Hey I don’t have any say in this?”

“No you don’t…Anyway Billy, she is my sister and I want only the best for her. So the guy’s gotta have some cash and a little status here.”

I wanted to tell her that I was a journalist / publisher for some New York company but then again Billy would be all over me and hate my guts for life.   And while her thong was showing we just kept asking questions about her.  And I think she was interested given the look she gave me but the restuarant was about to close so there wasn’t much time.

Her brother kept asking us for pot and we didn’t have any…right in front of the right hand of the restaurant owner. He was giving us the look as in: Dudes fuck off…it’s always something with the restaurant anyway.  If we are on the verge of being kicked out it’s stuff like this that happens there.

While we walked home we met my neighbor. He is a bouncer for a local bar. A bar I think who’s customers consists mostly of closet gays who all use soccer as a masquerade to hide their sexuality.   I am not saying he is though.

Anyway as we passed by he was making remarks and I walked up and talked to him ’til one guy steps out of the bar to go home.  He was wearing open toe sandals.

“Hey man…look at that. How can you wear that going out? Look at your big toe sticking out…it’s bigger than my cock!”

“Hey I didn’t know you had such a small one! Bwahaha!”

He had no comeback and we decided to go home.  I gotta say , it wasn’t exactly a dull night but it wasn’t the most fun one either except for the fact that Tonto came with us.