Are you a mermaid or somethin’?

I was part of a team that had the lowest conversion rate on sales.  Funny thing though that I had the most sales of the team.  I don’t know what mook put me on that team but I had nice colleagues.  I love them all. Even though I don’t even know half their names. Who cares anyway? I don’t.

I received an email about sales training with a sales coach. It was good, he was going to be there for a whole week. Coaching us to improve our sales conversion rate.  It was a pretty cool guy too. Funny, quick and most of all slick.

I asked him about the email and he  said: “You know what? Come to the other workfloor tomorrow! I’ll teach you how to make a sale. I am going to be there with you ALL day.”  Sounds good no?

The next day I entered the Holy Ground. That’s what we called the other workfloor. If you make it there, you make it anywhere. I swear, it’s no lie.

While I walked on holy ground trying to find a seat, the sales coach waved his hand and told me to come over. Sneaky him, he knew about me and Mother’s Little Helper.  She sat accross my desk. She looked at me, I looked at her and it was like we were both thinking: “Oh…he/she is here?”  simultanously.

Mother’s Little Helper was more advanced than I was in providing service. She knew the ins and outs. I didn’t, I only started working there. Sometimes she’d help me if she wasn’t busy helping someone herself.

“I suck at sales, you know…”, she said.

“It’s not my strongest point either”,  I said. I was only pretending as I usually do. Why I pretend? I don’t really know.  I have pretended to be as dimwitted as Bruce Wayne. Introvert as Clark Kent. Agressive like Wolverine. Stoic like Cyclops. Or banter like Spiderman. But I am never me. Or perhaps I am me and all the forementioned comicbook characters characteristics are just aspects of my own character. I don’t know.

People do think I am funny when I banter like Spiderman.

“I didn’t get your name last time. What is your name?”, I asked her.

“Oh, my name is Lizzy. “, she said.

“Smooth moves man”, I thought to myself. “I never even asked for her name the last time we talked.”

We were helping each other. Mother’s Little Helper and me. As soon as the sales coach left the floor to take a break, I stopped pretending and made a few sales. While I did it, I was trying to get her attention so she could pick up a thing or two.  She did, which is a good thing.  I wanted to teach her more. I wanted to teach her how to use Non Verbal Communication (NVC after this) taught to me by the Monroe Institute way back. Though I never followed a course there. (The definition of NVC = Nonverbal communication (NVC) is “direct instant experience and/or immediate knowing transmitted from one intelligent energy system and received by another.”)

I tried to teach her that because I thought it would help her in her job as Social Worker. And it would. Imagine the skills you learn at the university for social worker + NVC. It would be way more productive. It’s quite a powerful tool too.

I didn’t have enough time for it that day.

As I was trying to help a customer on the phone, I couldn’t figure something out. The computersystem is a rotten one. Unpractical and the database is too huge.  Keywords won’t help because their algorythm is fucked. It’s not Google for fucks sake. But they do the best they can but sometimes that’s just not enough.

I asked Mother’s Little Helper to help me out. She came over and after she moved back to her own desk I noticed some cleavage.

“Hmm cleavage…”, I thought. “She really has nice ones.”

She noticed.

“You can take a look, I don’t mind…”

“Ok..”,  I nodded. “Sure.”

The people on the workfloor started to notice our whatever you want to call it.

“We should stop this, whatever it is that’s going on between us. I don’t want people to think we are together.”, she said with a soft voice.

“Hm yah maybe you are right…”, I replied. “Sorry…”

Before we could continue our conversation, the next client was on the phone. Ofcourse  when I put my client on hold  one of the songs that reminded me of my then so called girlfriend played as background music.

“Oh shit…”, I thought. “I really should let this go. What’s the point of having someone you barely even see.”

I looked at Mother’s Little Helping who was on the phone with a customer. It sure would be nice to talk to her some more…